The Divorce

t.ly/zpquh

I'm trying to figure out where I found this book.

I always start my research on Amazon, because if reviews are good, they print them, and if there are no reviews by notable publications...

That's usually a bad sign.

But I went to Amazon and found none of those famous reviews. Which flummoxed me. Why did I reserve "The Divorce" at the library?

I mostly use three sources to find new books: "The New York Times," Ron Charles's weekly newsletter from "The Washington Post," and the recommendations in the magazine "The Week" (which is uber-expensive, but I highly recommend, it's the "Time"/"Newsweek" of yore you're looking for, the previous week's news, in this case with no political slant).

So I turn to Google and I find that the "Times" did review "The Divorce," and trashed it.

Hmm...

So I'd started reading "The Divorce" and stopped. Which is rare. Usually I quit right away or power through. I skipped to a book called "Entitlement," and one of the reasons I'm writing about both of these books is they create a mood, a world. The internet is all about in-your-face, as is much popular music these days. "Entitlement" is about a young thirtysomething who leaves teaching and starts working for the foundation of a billionaire. I guess that's something we talk about today, but this guy didn't make his money in tech. And the elder gentleman becomes enamored of his young hire and...

The young hire becomes enamored of the philosophy he espouses. Which is basically the world is your oyster, and you've got to go for it, you're entitled, just reach out and grab it.

So, at first you think it's almost a self-help book, and at some points you question the judgment of the main character, the young woman, but should you be happy with your status in life or are you too entitled to have a life of riches? And what rules are you willing to bend to get there?

At times " Entitlement" is riveting, but just when you're hooked, it gets a bit boring.

"The Divorce" doesn't exactly start out boring, but rather pedestrian, and then...

I wasn't going to go back to "The Divorce" but it was the emotion Felice conveyed when she was done. I don't remember the exact words, but they were along the line of being heavy, weighty, sitting with you, and weird...in that everything just doesn't work out as planned, that you've got to sit with your emotions, something seemingly all human beings wish to avoid.

So, "The Divorce" is set in Sweden. It's translated from the Swedish, and I can't say the translator did such a great job. It's a bit simple, it's a bit herky-jerky. Not hard to read, but seemingly surface.

And then there are the Swedish names. They're ultimately off-putting. U.S. locations could have been employed and nothing would have been lost.

But when the book flips, 119 pages in... From there on you cannot put it down. Not that it's a tome, "The Divorce" is 335 pages long. It's easily read, but should you read it?

Probably not if you're a young person. You have to have experienced a few rodeos to get it, been around the block, had at least one long live-in relationship, never mind marriage.

Yes, the book is focused on a divorce. What stimulates it?

Well, the main character Niklas is a doctor. Living in the States we see all MD's as wealthy. But Niklas is not. Sure, his family is living well, but also beyond their means. Don't get the wrong idea, they're not flying private, they have only one automobile, a Volvo, they're living like upper middle class professionals.

Which Niklas is but Bea is not. She gave up her education and is now working for the Red Cross as a web developer.

So Niklas feels the financial pressure, but what are they supposed to do?

So are you locked into your life and not exactly happy about it?

I hear from these people all the time, I encountered them at my college reunion. They lived by seventies values, they became doctors and lawyers and they'd like a do-over, something more fulfilling, but you don't get that option.

It's even worse for today's generation. Because if you don't graduate from college and take the professional track...good luck making ends meet. Sure, you could become a star in music, but very few get to do that. And influencers? It's very hard to have a sustained career.

So what does it take you to jump the track. Are you capable of jumping the track?

And what carnage will you leave behind.

It could be as simple as disappointing your parents. They've invested in you, they have an idea of you, but really you're someone different.

But if you have a family, responsibilities...

Who's going to pay the bills if you switch careers?

And there's fallout from breakups. Financial. Filial...

I remember the first of my parents' friends who got divorced. It may be hard to believe, but in the sixties, in the suburbs, divorce was uncommon. It was only at the end of that decade and then in the seventies, that divorce became de rigueur.

And maybe that's just the point. No one ever talks about the fallout of a divorce. Sure, they talk about the low-hanging fruit, but what about the everyday adjustments? Do you have to move to a worse neighborhood, can you afford what you used to, are your friends still your friends or..?

So that couple got divorced. It was scandalous. And my parents and others took the side of the wife, after all the husband left her. But after ultimately relenting and meeting with the husband and his new paramour, they realized he was the energy, he was their friend, and the wife...she was boring.

I don't remember encountering the wife ever again.

Judge all you want, this is reality.

So you break up...

In California, you have all these people who are friends with their exes. I can't understand that, whether I left or they did. Let's see, you shared a bed, knew everything about each other and now it's a casual relationship, intermittent with a bit of distance? Unfathomable to me.

Now if you live in a small community, you might have to worry about running into your ex. Hell, even in a large city. It's amazing how that works, at a gig, in the grocery store, you'll run into them, kinda like Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne."

Most people end up splitting not only the money and the real estate, but the friends and certainly the relatives. I've got a friend whose live-in girlfriend worked for his father. When they broke up she continued to come by his parents' house, he'd run into her there. He told his parents she could still work for them, but she could no longer come to the house. Sounds harsh only if you've never experienced a deep breakup.

So...

"The Divorce" is going to ring certain bells in your head. Of your life. You're reading about the characters yet somehow your brain is stimulated, thinking about all these episodes from the past.

"The Divorce" is not the kind of book you discuss with others, it's not a book group choice. It's personal. Sure, there's story, but the underlying emotions are what's key.

Let me get this down straight. I'm not telling everybody to read "The Divorce." But if there's something in the foregoing that resonates, check it out. That's what I do with the reviews in the publications mentioned above. I don't read every word, just a few, and I get a vibe.

Have you ever hurt? Have you ever wondered how you ended up where you are? That's what "The Divorce" explores.

And it wasn't until the very end that I discovered the author, Moa Herngren, was the cocreator and writer of "Bonus Family," one of my favorite streaming series ever. I've written about it twice:

"Bonus Family": t.ly/C448X

"Bonus Family Season 4": t.ly/c4o5b

Ultimately "Bonus Family" falters in the end, with the birth of the Down syndrome baby, and the film addendum is superfluous, but before that...

In Sweden a blended family is a bonus family. Same concept, different term. In other words, you get divorced and remarried and suddenly you've got all the kids.

Anyway, seemingly every person I've spoken to about "Bonus Family" couldn't finish it, could barely even get past the beginning, because they found it too painful.

Let's be clear, "Bonus Family" is not super-heavy, it's got a lot of light moments, comedy, but people who've been divorced who have kids, no matter how long ago it was, the wound is still too fresh. They do their best to repress thoughts about their choices, the aftermath, the effect upon the children, never mind themselves.

But "Bonus Family" is one of my favorite streaming series period. And I don't have any kids. But maybe that's why.

However, if you have been divorced, especially with kids, you'll find "The Divorce" somewhat soothing, because it's good to know other people have gone through what you have, have thought the same thoughts, felt the same way.

So...

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