The Importance of Talking to People Who Understand YouWhen you’re going through something, someone else is too.
We’ll return to the executive function series next week. Today’s post is somewhat related, though: it can be hard to do small things because you don’t walk to talk to people about something that’s wrong. It seems like such a simple concept: if you’re struggling with something, you should talk with someone. But for much of my life, I didn’t do that. I always preferred to go it alone. Often, this worked reasonably well—but then for a while, it didn’t. I thought about this recently when a friend told me she was going through a big breakup. How are you, I asked. It’s not always the best question, but we tend to revert to conversation patterns. It’s hard but I’m okay, she said. I’m spending a lot of time with friends and family. Breakups are hard even with support. But you know what’s harder? Not having support. Granted, you can’t waive a magic wand and conjure up people who understand. But if you’re like me, who had access to people who cared but just chose not to involve them—I’d gently suggest rethinking that. 🙂
Another Great Thing About Talking to People: You Learn Where They StandSharing involves risk, as I learned one time when I overshared with a new friend, who then never talked to me again. A lot of people can’t handle your issues. Which is probably good to know at some point! Better to know than to not know. Still, all things considered, talking is better than not talking. When you talk with people about your problems, you tend to learn that they have problems, too. Often, an honest conversation generates a “Me too!” experience. (The good kind of me too, to be clear.) You go away feeling relieved and enlightened by the mutual vulnerability. Finally, you learn that most people aren’t obsessed with you, and this can feel very freeing if you’ve been worried about being judged. The classic quote from David Foster Wallace comes to mind: “You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.” So if you’re going through something and you’re holding back on talking to someone about it—consider rethinking this belief! If you already know that, great. But many people don’t (I didn’t), so I thought it was worth sharing. You’re currently a free subscriber to 🌻 A Year of Mental Health. For the full experience, consider upgrading!
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Wednesday, July 10, 2024
The Importance of Talking to People Who Understand You
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