Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Do You Ever Feel "Too Sensitive?"

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Do You Ever Feel "Too Sensitive?"

Early in my writing career, someone said something to me that I've thought about ever since.

Chris Guillebeau

Feb 7

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Do You Ever Feel Too Sensitive?

Early in my writing career, someone said something to me that I've thought about ever since.

I was feeling discouraged about something, and made the comment that I was too sensitive. Negative reactions tended to affect me more seriously, and for longer, than they did most other people I knew.

I understood the numbers game: if you’re going to share something with a large group of people, the odds that all of them will like it are nearly impossible. And my ratio was pretty good! I attracted far more positive people than negative ones.

Still, the smaller-in-number negative ones really got me down. And it wasn’t just criticism, it was also anything that I perceived as less-than-enthusiastic.

I didn’t like feeling this way. Some friends and colleagues seemed impervious to negative responses, and to me that was something to aim for.

"If I wasn’t so sensitive," I said to a friend, "I'd be happier and more productive."

But my friend saw it differently. "Your sensitivity is a gift," they told me. "It allows you to see things that others miss."

Like I said, this comment has stayed with me over the years. It's true: the gift of sensitivity is being able to notice more.

You pick up on cues that are undetectable to others. You notice nuances that are lost—or at least missed—by most people. This trait gives you all kinds of superpowers. Or perhaps they are more like abilities:

The ability to have deeper relationships (people want to feel “seen”—and this is what you know how to do!)
The ability to distance from unhealthy relationships
The ability to spot an opportunity: in business, work, art, sports, or life in general

Here’s the thing, though: sensitivity doesn't always feel like a gift. Sometimes it feels like a burden.

The world we live in values toughness and stoicism. These values, while admirable at times, are the opposite of sensitivity!

If you have ADHD, ASD, PTSD, or otherwise identify as neurodivergent, you might feel particularly sensitive. You can’t just make a choice to be tough and stoic, and go on with your day accordingly.

So what do you do? Well, I'm not sure there's something to do, at least at first. Just understanding this quality about yourself can help a lot.

Over time, you can work on distancing, gaining perspective, and practicing the art of radical acceptance. All of these things we’ll talk about here at different points through the year.

But for now, if you too ever feel like you're "too sensitive" or overly-empathic, maybe you need the advice that my friend gave me:

"Your sensitivity is a gift. It allows you to see things that others miss."

This gift is also a form of emotional intelligence, and it’s something to lean into, not shy away from.

Let me know if this is you, and share the post if it resonates. ❤

Conversation Starters

Do you ever feel “too sensitive”?
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