Good morning. Just a heads up: This newsletter might read like a South Park script for the next few weeks. Earnings season kicks off today, and stressed execs are sick of asking, "What the french toast?" The number of expletives found in transcripts of earnings calls, investor conferences, and shareholder meetings rose to a five-year high in 2021, according to an analysis from intelligence platform Sentieo. —Neal Freyman, Matty Merritt, Jamie Wilde | | | |  | Nasdaq | 13,371.57 | | | | | S&P | 4,397.45 | | | | | Dow | 34,220.36 | | | | | 10-Year | 2.733% | | | | | Bitcoin | $39,420.07 | | | | | Twitter | $44.48 | | | | *Stock data as of market close, cryptocurrency data as of 10:00pm ET. Here's what these numbers mean. | - Markets: Stocks blew a lead in the afternoon for the Nasdaq's and S&P's third straight losing session. Blame the bullpen, or a red-hot inflation report that took another bite out of stocks.
- US: A gunman released a smoke grenade and shot 10 commuters on a Brooklyn subway train during the rush-hour commute yesterday morning. The police have identified a "person of interest," but he remains at large.
| | | | Francis Scialabba If you're 41 or younger, you a) only know Liza Minnelli from Arrested Development and b) have never experienced inflation this high. US consumer prices soared 8.5% in March from a year earlier for the fastest annual pace since 1981. A few nuggets from the Labor Department's report: - Gasoline prices skyrocketed 48%, accounting for half of the monthly increase.
- Fruity Pebbles are the new reserve currency, because cereal prices jumped 9.2%. (Meat prices spiked even more: 14.8%.)
- Just in time for wedding season, prices for men's jackets, suits, and coats were up 14.5% for the year, and airline fares gained 10.7% in just the last month.
But there were some hopeful signs Used car prices, which have spiked 35% over the past year, fell from February to March. And "core CPI," which removes volatile food and energy prices from the equation, ticked up just 0.3% for the month vs. 0.5% expected. Some analysts said that the softer-than-projected core CPI reading could indicate inflation growth peaked in March. If that's actually the case, it'll mean we've finally crested a mountain riddled with false summits. In the summer of 2021, the Fed considered inflation a "transitory" outcome of Covid-related supply chain bottlenecks. But shortages persisted. Consumer demand remained high. Russia invaded Ukraine, wiping out a chunk of food and energy supplies. China locked down Shanghai, which provides critical components to US factories. What happens next? If inflation were to moderate, it'd be due to a couple of reasons: - Organic causes, such as supply chains smoothing out and Americans pulling back on spending (e.g., "the cure for high prices is high prices").
- Policy interventions, most notably the Fed hiking interest rates to raise borrowing costs for consumers and businesses.
But even if those remedies do their job, it will likely take years for price growth to return to the Fed's 2% target.—NF | | | Figuring out all the IT needs for your growing company can be … a lot. To scale with confidence, you need an IT solution that cuts costs and streamlines processes, freeing you up for projects that fuel growth. With Electric, that's exactly what you get. Electric gives you access to lightning-fast, chat-based IT support from 130+ experienced IT specialists. It's reliable, responsive, and proactive. And when you, an IT decision-maker, take a qualified meeting with Electric, they'll gift you a free pair of Beats Solo3 Wireless headphones. One more time for the people in the back: Your company gets unmatched IT support and proactive security standardization. And you score a free pair of Beats. Reach out today. | | MANDEL NGAN,MIKHAIL METZEL/SPUTNIK/AFP via Getty Images  For the first time, Biden said Russia is committing "genocide" in Ukraine. The president said that while "we'll let the lawyers decide" what officially qualifies as genocide, "it sure seems that way to me" because "it's become clearer and clearer that Putin is just trying to wipe out even the idea of being Ukrainian."
 RIP Gilbert Gottfried. The comedian with the distinctive voice we've all come to love died at 67 from a form of muscular dystrophy. He's best known as the voice of the parrot Iago in Aladdin and the Aflac duck in the insurance company's commercials. "I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates," he once wrote.
 CNN+ starts doing subtraction. Two weeks after launching, the network's streaming service has signed on fewer than 10,000 daily users, according to CNBC—a sign that it's way off pace to meet leaders' goal of nabbing 2 million US subscribers in the first year. In response to the belly flop, CNN plans to cut hundreds of millions of dollars from the service's budget, Axios reported.
| | Yelp Yelp, the collector of hot takes on your neighborhood 7-Eleven, said yesterday it would cover travel costs for employees and their families seeking abortion care out-of-state. The review giant joins a number of other companies that have taken a stance as a wave of states, led by Texas, pass abortion restrictions that ban the procedure after six weeks. Yelp said the policy change will apply to any of its staff living in a state with highly restrictive abortion laws, including Texas, where about 200 of its 4,000 employees live, per the NYT. As of yesterday, that list also includes Oklahoma, whose governor signed a near total ban on abortions. A spokesperson for Yelp said this policy would help the company recruit and retain talent in a historically tight labor market. Big picture: Large companies are being forced to take sides on controversial topics, such as abortion, that they've tried to avoid in the past. Citigroup quietly expanded its policies to cover abortion travel costs for workers last month. Uber, Lyft, Match Group, and Bumble have also supported access to abortion through public statements and initiatives.—MM | | Jim Watson/Getty Images The cargo ship that inspired 1 million memes, the Ever Given, created a new form of entertainment last year when it got stuck in the Suez Canal. Now, all eyes are on the Ever Forward, its sister ship, which has been lodged in Chesapeake Bay for exactly one month as of today. The latest: Two attempts to dislodge the 1,095-foot vessel have failed so far, and a third is underway. Tug boats are currently removing 500 of the 4,900 shipping containers stacked on the ship to lighten its load for refloating. But until the Ever Forward is merrily on its way again, viewing the ship has turned into somewhat of a tourist attraction for Maryland residents, who obsess over anything old on bays. It's okay to laugh. Unlike the Ever Given, the Ever Forward ain't bothering nobody. The Maryland Port Administration said the stuck ship isn't affecting transit (unlike the Suez Canal, Chesapeake Bay is big enough for other vessels to simply go around), and Coast Guard Captain David O'Connell said it's not polluting the waters. Stay updated with istheshipstillstuck.com.—JW | | Andrew Yates/Getty Images Stat: In 2021, Amazon warehouse workers suffered serious injuries at twice the rate of workers across the wider warehouse industry, according to an analysis from the advocacy group Strategic Organizing Center (SOC). Amazon warehouse employees also accounted for 49% of total injuries in the sector, despite making up one-third of the workforce. Quote: "Negative sentiment regarding our company is directly associated with, and often transferred to, Mr. Zuckerberg." Meta said that it spent $26.8 million on personal security for CEO Mark Zuckerberg last year, according to a new filing. That's far more than what other major companies spend to protect their bosses: Amazon spent $1.6 million on security for Jeff Bezos last year, and Berkshire Hathaway spent $273,200 on Warren Buffett, mostly to guard him against cholesterol. Read: Life advice from NYC chess hustlers. (CAFÉ ANNE) | | - Russian President Vladimir Putin, in a rare public appearance, called the goals of Russia's invasion of Ukraine "noble," and said that peace talks were at a "dead end."
- British PM Boris Johnson and Chancellor Rishi Sunak will need to pay fines for breaking Covid restrictions.
- Genies, an NFT platform that lets you make virtual avatars, just hit a $1 billion valuation following a funding round led by private equity firm Silver Lake.
- Shanghai's two-week lockdown was eased for some residents.
- Sri Lanka is undergoing its worst economic crisis in 70 years, and warned that it will temporarily default on its foreign debts.
| | Porch reads: Here are the 20 best books arriving in spring 2022. Cool kid: A 15-year-old Twitch streamer holds raves in his room. Like, serious raves. Are you entering the next chapter? Our most recent podcast episodes are all about making positive changes for what comes next in your personal life or in business. Fighting spring allergies doesn't have to be hard. Picnic makes it easy by treating your exact symptoms with allergist-approved plans and FDA-authorized medications that ship directly to your door for free. Take 50% off your first order here.* No flippin' wayyy. Kitchen assistant Flippy is the food cookin' robot helping businesses increase margins by 300%. In fact, White Castle recently announced plans to install Flippy in 100 new restaurants. Don't flip out, but you can invest in this cash cow of a robot here.* *This is sponsored advertising content. | | Word Search: See if you can get a perfect game in today's baseball-themed puzzle. Play it here. First frame This is the first frame from which movie?  Paramount Pictures | | In the best collab since hot Cheetos and cream cheese, the Brew is teaming up with Vineyard Vines for a whale of a spring collection (sorry). These fits are ideal for: Kentucky Derby parties, Memorial Day BBQs, and just about any other good time. Shop the collection | | | Mean Girls. For more movie frame trivia, try Framed, a fun Wordle spinoff. | | | Written by Neal Freyman, Jamie Wilde, and Matty Merritt Was this email forwarded to you? Sign up here. WANT MORE BREW? Industry news, with a sense of humor → - Emerging Tech Brew: AI, crypto, space, autonomous vehicles, and more
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