“I thought you had it all figured out”

How my desire to project success gets in the way of what I actually want (human connection) 

Hello Amazing! This is the first of three newsletters diving into the topic of vulnerability and openness: why it matters so much, when to do it and how to use it effectively as a leader.  The story begins back in January (remember January?). My wife and I were getting ready to leave NYC, and everyone was asking "Do you have a job lined up?" I hated that question because the answer was 'no', and whenever I had to answer the question I felt exposed.  On January 20th, just 10 days before we left, I got offered a job at Implement Consulting Group. I was so happy. Finally I could put that pesky question to rest and update my LinkedIn: look at how successful I am! My God I loved that.    Fast forward through a pandemic, life crisis and being let go again from the job, I've been reaching out to old friends, sharing my struggle and asking for help.  One person wrote back: "I'm surprised to hear from you. I thought you had it all figured out."  This comment hit me. I've been working intentionally with vulnerability and openness for more than nine years, so I thought I was as open as one could be. However, to him, and maybe others, I had still seemed unapproachable. He told me that he too had been struggling lately, something I probably wouldn't have heard about if I hadn't shared my own struggle first.    From being unapproachable it can quickly get worse. The more successful you appear, the more likely it is that others will feel inferior around you. That can turn into insecurity and even envy. All of which makes it harder to have a strong relationship. More success projection means less human connection.  The solution obviously isn't to replace all your success stories with negative stories of misery and self pity. But what then? In the next issue, we will dive into some very tangible ways, you can practice sharing more vulnerability without falling into the trap of oversharing.   Until then   Much love Mathias   P.s.  Do you want to develop your own courage to lean into your vulnerability in a way that is appropriate and effective and builds stronger relationships? From the way you show up on a Zoom call to what you share on LinkedIn.  I'm here to help you. Think Clearly coaching is a monthly subscription where you get daily support via chat so you can overcome the messy thoughts that hinder action.  Start turning vulnerability into an advantage. Learn more and sign up today.  Copyright © 2020 Think Clearly, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you opted in via my Think Clearly website. Our mailing address is: Think Clearly Robert Jacobsens Vej Copenhagen S 2300 Denmark Add us to your address book Want to change how you receive these emails? You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.