New! Today’s post is (mostly) in audio form. It includes reflections on my all-time favorite question, and how we can redirect when we don’t like the answer.
You can listen to the 9-minute file by clicking the link below:
If you have trouble with the embedded audio, you can also download the file here.
For those who are able to listen, this type of reflection is best suited to the audio format, not reading. But if you’re not able to listen, or you’d just like a written summary, here are a few notes and highlights:
If you’ve ever been to one of my book events, you might have heard me talk about the “Why” question. It’s the most powerful question you can ask about anything—yet it’s also a very undervalued question.
Why do you do the things you do? What’s the point?
If you stop throughout the day and ask yourself that question, you gain immediate insight.
You might feel affirmed. You’re spending time with your kids or you’re working on something you really care about—and you’ll know, oh, these are the right things to do.
You might also feel a little redirected. You might realize, hmmm, there’s actually not a great reason why I’m doing this thing. Maybe it would be better to spend less time on it. So that’s helpful as well. It can give you a nudge towards something different.
And then the third category is kind of in-between. You’re doing things like:
The reason why these are in-between categories is because they’re not super affirming but they don’t always lead to redirection. You probably do need to clean up your home or workspace, at least from time to time. Scrolling on social media can be a compulsive behavior, or it could be totally fine.
By asking the why question, you get information you can use to reset and make decisions for the rest of the day—or for the next step on your projects, or for a big change you’re trying to make.
In short, asking why is all upside.
So let’s choose the first part of that: Why do you do what you do every day?
For those of us who have the ability to make this choice … it’s a monumental question. And there could be a number of answers to it.
We could say, ‘Because we have to.’ I have a certain level of responsibilities and commitments and I need to pay the bills and I’m track to do something in my work, my studies, my relationships—and therefore, that’s why I do this.
And that might be okay! At least sometimes. But it’s different from, ‘Because we want to’ and/or ‘Because we can.’
It’s better to live as much of your life as possible in the “get to” world. We get to do this. We get to have some degree of autonomy and we can connect with like-minded people and can do self-directed work.
We can choose to opt-out of negative situations and toxic relationships or dynamics or self-harming behavior.
In the first week of the new newsletter, I wrote a post about Unhelpful Life Advice. A number of readers shared other things that people have told them or they’ve read somewhere—all prescriptions that are nice, but again, largely unhelpful at least for them.
Another suggestion we could have put in that post is “live in the present” or “be present.” It’s kind of like saying “be healthy.”
Sounds good, but how do I do that? There’s so much conflicting advice. And if I am able to find solutions that work well for me, what problems will being present solve?
And it’s not just about being present. Because I also want to work towards something in the future. I want to build happy memories I can reflect on (the past).
So there’s value in letting go and value in building just as there is in being present. And when it comes to figuring these things out, I don’t think the answer is to give up and throw our hands in the air, saying, “Well, there’s nothing we can do.”
There has to be something. We have to try. We have to be better—or at least we CAN be better and I want to be better.
That’s the whole point of A Year of Mental Health.
That’s my answer to why this, why now for me. That’s my why as we’re underway in this adventure. It’s going to unfold along the way, and I look forward to sharing more of it with you.
Let me know if you were able to listen to the file. A normal text-based post will be back on Monday at 7am.
1. What are you hoping for in 2024?
2. What are some ways you’re able to “be present”?
3. How else can you use the why question to make changes?
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