Take Control of Your Worries We tend to have what we can and can't control mixed together in our minds. It can help to separate the two. A simple but effective way to do this is to write them down. On some paper, draw a vertical line down the middle of the page, making two columns. Choose an issue or a facet of your life that is troubling you. In one column, write down all the things regarding that issue that you can't control. In the other column write down the things regarding that issue that you can control. Then take a good look at the column of things you can't control and acknowledge that, by definition, there's really nothing you can do here. Accept the truth of that as deeply as you can and bring most, if not all, of your attention to the other column. Focus on the column of things you can control. Glean from that list tangible actions you can take that will help your situation. Be as specific as possible, identifying as many actions as you can. Make sure each of them is doable - preferably in small enough chunks that you can imagine yourself accomplishing each one in a sitting. Then choose something to do each day. Now you have the beginning of positive momentum toward genuinely tackling what's troubling you. The beauty of this is that now when you find yourself worrying about this, you can remind yourself that you already have an action plan sorted out. You can look at your list in the morning and take deliberate action. Now, here's the truly essential part: Make sure that you're taking those actions. Ignoring your action plan will cause stress (and rotten sleep as well). Of course, even with a solid plan, we're still going to worry. It's a human thing. We can minimize it considerably with the above practice, among other things; but we will never completely let go of some of what we can't control. What can we do about that? Set aside time each day to worry deliberately. Choose a time later in the day to worry on purpose, for 15 minutes. When those 15 minutes are up, you move on to something else. Your worrying time is done for the day. Practice this diligently. Over time, this will train your system to worry at the time you choose, instead of in the middle of the night. The end result will be more serenity, less stress and more effectiveness. [Editor's note: Joel currently has some openings available for life coaching. Go here to sign up for a free 30-minute initial conversation now.] Be well, Joel |
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