Today’s post is about the mission statement of The Art of Non-Conformity, my original blog that I’ve been writing since 2008. Comments are open! And if you have a quick moment, hit the “like” button at the top or bottom so that other people will find the post. ❤️ You Don’t Have to Live the Way Others ExpectBut what does that mean? Unpacking the original tagline of The Art of Non-Conformity.
 Portland, Oregon 2009. A very early AONC meetup! “You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect.”I’m not sure where I first came up with it. It was just kind of internalized somehow. I used it for one of the first times in a manifesto I wrote in 2008 titled “A Brief Guide to World Domination.” Then I used it as a line in my stump speech for the first book tour, when I visited readers in 63 cities (every U.S. state and Canadian province). When you give a talk over and over, you get a sense for which parts will resonate. A joke that I thought was hilarious? No one laughed. Another line that I thought was a throwaway? It was a big hit. So I learned to hit that line hard, looking people in the eye and pausing before/after I said it.
Somewhere along the way, either around then or just as time went by, it became a recurring motif. It’s funny, because my original blog was VERY broad in its themes. I wrote about Life, Work, and Travel—in other words, I didn’t “choose a niche” at all! There was an unintentional clarity about it. In a world where you were supposed to specialize, I was simply unable to, and something about the idea resonated. I’ve had a bit of time since then—15 years!—to unpack it a bit. So what does it mean? First, It Means What It Says It MeansIt means what it says, full stop—“People have various expectations for you; you don’t have to follow them.” Still, sometimes it’s good to explore these things in more detail. We often imagine that some of the unnamed “people” who expect us to behave in certain ways are like evil bosses. They’re Monopoly villains, generic corporate figures who lurk in the shadows and issue edicts for the rest of us to follow. But it’s just as true that the people we are close to have expectations of us. And this is harder to resist! Yet it’s just as essential, if not more so. Sometimes, merely demonstrating that options exist can be powerful. Not everyone understands that there is a life beyond that which you’ve known.Seeing this for the first time—or, better, feeling it in your body—is revelatory. You can travel! You can work other jobs, or you can make up your own job! There are relationship structures beyond what has been modeled for you. What you were told as a child about all sorts of topics is now up for grabs. What will you decide about religion, politics, philosophy? How will you choose to live? Then, there’s an implied next step with this understanding: If I don’t do what other people want me to do, then what do I do instead? This is also a powerful revelation! You suddenly understand that you have choice, autonomy, the ability to decide for yourself. And yes, sometimes this can be overwhelming. It’s generally easier to accept what’s being offered than to push for something different. But despite whatever challenge this knowledge presents, I think it’s far more relieving. You can turn away from the path you’re on, and choose a different one. You can take the road less traveled by. Or you can turn off the GPS and go back the way you came! What a wonderful set of options. “You don’t have to live your life the way others expect.” In short: People want you to live a certain way, but you are free to choose what’s best for you. Go and do that!Conversation Starters
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Friday, August 23, 2024
You Don’t Have to Live the Way Others Expect
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