Good morning. Can ChatGPT write a funny comic? Max wanted to know. So he asked the chatbot to provide a topic for his Saturday Sketch, and then faithfully drew up the response. We'll let you judge the quality of the joke yourself, but at least from our POV…Max shouldn't lose sleep over AI taking his job. For now. —Sam Klebanov, Jamie Wilde, Max Knoblauch, Matty Merritt, Abby Rubenstein, Neal Freyman | | | |  | Nasdaq | 11,621.71 | | | | | S&P | 4,070.56 | | | | | Dow | 33,978.08 | | | | | 10-Year | 3.512% | | | | | Bitcoin | $23,083.51 | | | | | Tesla | $177.90 | | | | *Stock data as of market close, cryptocurrency data as of 4:00am ET. Here's what these numbers mean. | - Markets: It was a happy Friday indeed for the stock market. All three major indexes closed the week in positive territory—and for the Nasdaq, that meant a fourth straight week of gains. After their worst year ever in 2022, Tesla shares have begun 2023 with a Liam Neeson-level vengeance, soaring nearly 65% this month and 31% this week alone.
| | | | Photo Illustration: Dianna "Mick" McDougall, Sources: Getty Images Goldman Sachs tightened its belt at the expense of its CEO's wallet. The investment bank announced yesterday that CEO David Solomon received a 29% pay cut in 2022. But it's not surprising that he didn't stage a walkout, as his new compensation still came in at a not-too-shabby $25 million. Solomon's shrinking paycheck reflects the financial struggles that have been plaguing the bank under his leadership: - Goldman Sachs has lost $3 billion since 2020 on its troubled foray into commercial banking, and its profits declined last year amid a slowing economy.
- The bank let 3,200 employees go this month, its biggest layoffs since the 2008 financial crisis, according to the New York Times.
But Solomon is not the only CEO to see his pay package get smaller. Rival bank Morgan Stanley, as well as Apple and Alphabet, have all recently cut CEO compensation (in most cases alongside layoffs). Why are executive pay cuts so hot right now? Slashing executives' pay is a cost-cutting measure that doubles as a way to signal that bosses are weathering economic headwinds alongside rank-and-file workers. A 2021 study from Oxford University showed that companies that prioritize paying employees over managers in difficult times tend to get a better rep with customers. It can also be a way to placate disgruntled shareholders who are not too pleased to sponsor the caviar-filled lifestyles of company leaders as they watch their investments dip into red territory. Zoom out: CEOs still aren't exactly hurting. The heads of the biggest US companies made 399 times more than the average worker in 2021, according to the Economic Policy Institute, an almost 20-fold increase in the pay ratio since 1965.—SK | | | Yep, those thighs right there  , wrapped handsomely in a pair of Mugsy jeans—the most comfortable jeans ever made. If they could talk, they'd be telling you how Mugsy jeans are the softest, comfiest jeans a set of thighs has ever called home. And if they could shout, these thighs would be screamin' about the incredible stretch Mugsy jeans deliver, keeping the fit juuust right—never too baggy and never too tight. But thighs can't talk, so you'll have to trust the 13,000+ 5-star reviews on Mugsy's site, like this one: "Just. Buy. Them. Absolute perfection." Try these game-changing jeans for yourself and get 10% off your first purchase with code BREW10, plus free shipping + free returns. | | Brandon Dill for The Washington Post via Getty Images  Video of fatal police beating of Tyre Nichols released. The city of Memphis released four videos yesterday evening that show police officers beating Nichols, a 29-year-old Black man who died after the violent traffic stop. In the footage, Nichols does not appear to fight back. At one point, he cries out for his mother. Five former officers of the Memphis Police Department were charged Thursday with the murder of Nichols, and after the release of the videos, the Shelby County sheriff placed two deputies who were seen arriving after the violence occurred on leave pending an investigation. Protesters took to the streets of Memphis and other cities, while an attorney for Nichols's family has called for the entire police unit involved in the encounter to be disbanded and said he expects additional charges as investigations continue.
 Intel raises alarms for the chip industry. Due to a lack of demand for chips and a slowdown in its data processing center business, the company reported its worst financial results since the dot-com bubble popped at the turn of the century. Though the stock only ended up falling 6.4% by the time the market closed yesterday, Wall Street definitely took notice of the company's troubles: Twenty-one analysts slashed what they thought it was worth, and many did not hold back in describing the chipmaker's fall. "No words can portray or explain the historic collapse of Intel," one said.
 Asia's richest person may not be for long. Billionaire Gautam Adani's conglomerate has lost $51 billion in value in a sell-off sparked by a report from US-based short-selling firm Hindenburg Research accusing the Adani Group of "pulling the largest con in corporate history." Though Adani has denied the report and threatened legal action, the market has responded strongly, with some of his companies falling by 20% yesterday. The timing is particularly bad for Adani, as yesterday marked the beginning of a planned $2.45 billion share sale.
| | Leon Neal/Getty Images The Food and Drug Administration said on Thursday it can't vouch for the safety of cannabidiol (CBD)—a nonpsychoactive compound found in marijuana and hemp plants—and because of that, it can't regulate it. Instead, it's calling on lawmakers to help supervise $12 CBD lavender sodas. Why? The FDA said that CBD doesn't fit the mold of the dietary supplements and food additives it typically monitors, such as ginseng and caffeine. The agency claims the science is lacking on the safety of long-term CBD use, let alone on any potential perks—like preventing diabetes or aiding sleep. This game of legal Hacky Sack is a major drag for CBD advocates Congress legalized hemp four years ago, and most CBD is derived from hemp, not marijuana. As a result, CBD got kicked off the controlled substances list and got lobbed from the Drug Enforcement Administration's desk to the FDA's. Since then, the FDA's been less active in regulating CBD than a teen in a '90s anti-marijuana ad. That's resulted in a chaotic and confusing marketplace, and CBD industry players were hoping the FDA would soon start reining it in. Looking ahead…while CBD advocates expressed frustration at getting sent back to square one, some members of Congress are optimistic that they can finally sort the issue out.—JW | | travelism/Getty Images Oh, to be an Amsterdammer—free from finessing a U-lock onto a frozen street sign. A new $65 million bike parking garage opened Wednesday in the largest city in the Netherlands, and it is all underwater. Going under…the facility is at Amsterdam's Centraal Station, which sees roughly 200,000 travelers arrive per day—about half by bike. To access the new parking facility, you can bike right up to the moving walkways that take you and your wheels into the depths of what used to be just canal water. The structure took four years to build and can hold 7,000 bikes. Its capacity will increase to 11,000 when a second structure opens in February. (Here's a pretty sick time lapse of how they moved all that water and built the garage.) While it cost a lot to build, the parking is cheaper than most bus fares in the US: Parking is free for the first 24 hours and roughly $1.46 per day after that. Big picture: This new facility is a logical investment for a country in which bicycles outnumber the residents. Dutch people are the most physically active on the planet primarily because biking is such a huge part of their daily lives, according to a 2021 study from global research firm Ipsos.—MM | | TOGETHER WITH RAD DIVERSIFIED | | Do you wanna know a sec(REIT)? Real estate investment trusts (REITs) like RADD own portfolios that can generate income, equity, or both. Their stock is up 122.22% since October 2019 (as of Oct. 26, 2022) while amassing over $100m in properties and offering 13% in distributions back to investors in 2022. Find out how RADD REIT can build your wealth into a legacy. | | Itaú Unibanco via Giphy Stat: Whether we've got a recession coming remains the biggest will they or won't they story since Aang and Katara, but it looks like more Americans are starting to sock away cash just in case. Data released by the Department of Commerce yesterday puts the savings rate for December at 3.4%—the highest level in seven months and the biggest uptick from the previous month since July 2021 (November's rate was 2.9%). Could be that everyone's just saving up in case Taylor Swift adds more tour dates… Quote: "Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times. I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me." Renowned declutterer Marie Kondo has admitted that, like every other parent who is constantly stepping on Legos strewn across the living room floor, she's let her house become less organized since giving birth to her third child. This sparks joy for the rest of us slobs. Read: The economics of all those influencer trips to Dubai. (Wall Street Journal) | | | Max Knoblauch, ft. inspiration from ChatGPT | - CVS and Walmart both plan to shorten pharmacy hours as a pharmacist shortage is making it hard for them to staff up.
- Body camera footage from the attack on Nancy Pelosi's husband, Paul Pelosi, was released to the public yesterday.
- Seven people were killed by a Palestinian shooter outside a Jerusalem synagogue last night, one day after an Israeli military raid in the West Bank left nine dead.
- Amazon will charge Prime members fees on online grocery orders that cost less than $150 starting February 28.
- HBO has ordered a second season of The Last of Us after the video-game-inspired show's first few episodes proved popular with viewers (and critics).
| | Weekend conversation starters: Forget duck face: A Colorado bear is the new selfie queen. Outside the box: Everything you can make with cake mix (besides cake). An apple a day: From telehealth to hospital staffing, pharmaceuticals, and everything in between, Healthcare Brew is here to help healthcare leaders, practitioners, and administrators navigate the industry. Subscribe here. | | Brew crossword: Since y'all seem hyped about trying to beat Neal's time on our crosswords, see if you can solve today's in less than the 10 minutes, 33 seconds it took him. Open House Welcome to Open House, the only newsletter section that can free solo your home's facade. We'll give you a few facts about a listing, and you try to guess the price.  Bright MLSToday's listing is in Washington, DC, and used to be the estate of a former US senator. Which one? Probably one that didn't support a general wealth tax. This stone mansion is 8,500 square feet and has a separate pool house. Amenities include: - 6 beds, 7 baths
- Private elevator
- Busch Gardens-esque backyard
How much for your political oasis? | |  Don't let your New Year's resolutions fall by the wayside. Our 2023 Excel trackers give you all the tools you need to hold yourself accountable. Shop today.
 Money with Katie is obsessed with personal finance. Her free weekly newsletter takes a spicy approach to budgeting, investing, tax strategies, and more.
 That '90s Show, Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies…when will the reboots end? Marketing Brew dives into what the reboot renaissance means for advertisers.
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