Good morning. Thanks to the hundreds of you who sent in creative punishments imposed on the loser of your fantasy football leagues. Here are some favorites if your league has a lame one and needs some inspo: - "The loser of the year has to take either the ACT or SAT while everyone else tailgates in the parking lot."
- "I know a guy who had to dress in an anime costume and play the recorder in the park until he made $10."
- "The loser of our league has to put their card down at a bar for five full minutes while the rest of the league gets to drink as much as they can while the tab is open."
- "For my fantasy football league the loser will be running a 'Taco Bell mile'—a mile on a track with a Baja Blast and a different Taco Bell entree each lap."
—Jamie Wilde, Matty Merritt, Abby Rubenstein, Max Knoblauch, Neal Freyman
| | | |  | Nasdaq | 12,112.31 | | | | | S&P | 4,067.36 | | | | | Dow | 32,151.71 | | |  | 10-Year | 3.314% | | | | | Bitcoin | $21,296.66 | | | | | DocuSign | $64.04 | | | | *Stock data as of market close, cryptocurrency data as of 12:00am ET. Here's what these numbers mean. | - Markets: The short week was a good week in the markets—the three major indexes closed higher yesterday and snapped a three-week slump. One big winner was DocuSign, which anticipates lots more e-signatures for the rest of the year.
| | | | | Wine snobs, listen up. A new generation of wine lovers is taking over, and their pinot Pied Piper goes by the name of Vin Social. They're here to ask the important questions: Why can't we pair a 1990 Chablis with 1980s hip-hop? Why do all wine tastings leave a bad taste in your mouth? Why can't we rewrite the rules of wine? Vin Social opens up the wide world of wine to everyone, whether that means introducing you to new vintages, hosting tastings, or planning virtual and IRL events. And their just-announced Grand Cru membership gives you access to all these exciting, delicious initiatives—and more. Through their passion for introducing wine lovers to diverse, female-owned, and sustainable winemakers, Vin Social takes a centuries-old product and makes it feel brand-new. Wine 2.0, if you will. Wine wait? RSVP here. | | Stephane De Sakutin/Getty Images The death on Thursday of Queen Elizabeth II, the UK's longest reigning monarch, seemed to leave a void just about everywhere except for the top of major news websites. To help you sift through it all, here's a little guide to what's happening, what's coming next, and what's on hold (everything in Britain). Here's what we know is changing: You are already aware of this one, but the UK has a new sovereign. The newly minted King Charles III addressed the nation for the first time yesterday, vowing "lifelong service." He meets with the Accession Council today and will be formally proclaimed monarch—an event that will be televised for the first time in history. That brings other changes, like: - New money: The late queen holds a world record for having been featured on 33 currencies. The UK will get new cash with the king's mug, and he'll face left instead of right, per tradition. Not everyone will follow suit: Canada has said it's not planning on printing new currency for now. Even in the UK, bills featuring Elizabeth will remain in circulation for a while.
Even more changes might be coming, though. The big leadership shake-up has politicians and activists in far-flung parts of the Commonwealth, from the Caribbean to Australia, asking if now is the time to assert independence from the crown. Closer to home, Charles has long been rumored to be in favor of a smaller group of core royals representing the monarchy. Stay tuned for what role he'll grant his brother Prince Andrew, reportedly their mom's favorite but also a man accused of sexual assualt. In the meantime, here's a sampling of things being postponed out of respect: - Premier League soccer games that would have been played this weekend
- the Bank of England's next interest rate decision
- a postal worker strike
- filming for season six of The Crown
But the internet waits for no one…while Twitter users squabbled over whether it was OK to make jokes, Wikipedia editors sprang into immediate action. The queen's Wikipedia page was updated within seconds of the first reputable reports of her passing, and new pages about her death and reactions to it went live in mere minutes. Wikipedia says the queen's article was viewed 19.9 million times—the most views in a single day any topic has ever gotten.—AR | | The smoothest slide in the history of baseball. Credit: MLB.  Baseball tries to get less boring. MLB's competition committee approved big changes for next season in order to speed things up and spur more action, such as introducing a pitch clock, limiting defensive shifts, and increasing the size of bases. The average time for a nine-inning game this year is three hours and four minutes. Minor league games, which have a pitch clock, typically last less than two and a half hours.
 Ukraine goes on the offensive. Ukraine has rapidly recaptured territory from Russia over the last week, advancing toward its second-largest city, Kharkiv. Ukrainian forces have taken back control of 30+ towns and villages, President Volodymyr Zelensky said yesterday, and they're working to secure the territories against future invasions. The advance was such a big breakthrough that even the Russian media acknowledged it.
 Credit card sales for guns may get easier to track. The International Organization for Standardization, a nongovernmental standard setter, agreed to create a special merchant code for gun and ammunition sellers to help monitor suspicious purchases. Despite backlash over sales of guns used in mass shootings, credit card companies have largely resisted the creation of a unique code for gun shops. Though the decision has been hailed by gun control advocates, it's not clear how effectively the new code can be implemented.
| | Saul Loeb/Getty Images Intel officially broke ground on its new $20 billion chipmaking plant in Ohio yesterday. It's the largest private investment in the state's history, and, according to Intel, it'll be the largest facility of its kind "on the planet." The move partially checks off a major campaign promise of President Biden's: to make more stuff in America. Biden attended Intel's groundbreaking ceremony to make sure midterm voters know the plant is being fueled in large part by the bipartisan CHIPS and Science Act. That legislation, along with the Inflation Reduction Act, incentivizes companies to build facilities in the US so that a) we're not reliant on rival China for materials that impact national security and b) jobs from overseas get "reshored" back to the US. Intel is expected to employ 7,000 Ohioans to build its facility and 3,000 more to work in the completed factories. But evidence suggests that reshoring isn't always a 1:1 swap of overseas workers → American workers. Because American workers cost a lot, companies are looking to a far less demanding workforce: robots. Robot sales in North America hit a record high for the third straight quarter in Q2, according to the Association for Advancing Automation.—JW | | Fiona Hanson - PA Images/Getty Images Queen Elizabeth II let her corgis roam Buckingham Palace like they were…well…the queen of England. And it wasn't just her own dogs who benefited from the royal treatment: The late queen's devotion helped establish a mass market for the breed. The barkstory: For her 18th birthday, Elizabeth received Susan—not her first corgi, but the first corgi she would breed. All 30 corgis she had during her reign, and a handful of corgi-dachshund mixes, were descended from Susan. The queen reportedly stopped breeding the dogs around 2002 because she didn't want them to outlive her (and potentially steal the crown). More influential than Doug the Pug: Demand for corgis spiked alongside public events in the queen's life. UK Kennel Club registrations for Pembroke corgis jumped in 1944, when she got Susan, and peaked eight years after Elizabeth took the throne, at around 9,000 registered corgis. By 2012, that number dropped to 241. The Kennel Club blamed the breed's association with old people, but the downturn was probably also influenced by a 2006 ban on tail docking (a popular practice with corgis). Then in 2017, a year after The Crown premiered and reminded everyone of those fluffy butts, UK corgi registration went up 16% and in 2021, a total of 1,223 corgis were registered in the UK—the highest in almost 30 years.—MM | | Francis Scialabba Stat: The average shower in the Netherlands lasts nine minutes. But to help mitigate Europe's impending energy crisis, the government has launched a campaign that urges people to maybe skip scrubbing their armpits, according to the WSJ. Government-affiliated researchers say showering for less than five minutes would save a household 60 cubic meters of natural gas per year, not to mention some cash on their bills. Quote: "This is an unsustainable situation and is becoming increasingly precarious." Rafael Mariano Grossi, the head of the UN's nuclear watchdog, said yesterday that the only way to prevent a dangerous accident at Ukraine's Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant is to stop all shelling in the area and establish a safety and security zone around the facility. UN inspectors have visited the plant, which lost its connection to offsite power and is relying on emergency generators for electricity. Read: Your career is one-eighth of your life—job advice by the numbers. (The Atlantic) | | - Tennis phenom Carlos Alcaraz ended American Frances Tiafoe's run at the US Open last night. Alcaraz will face Casper Ruud in the men's finals.
- BYU unbanned a fan from its sporting events after saying its investigation found no evidence that a Duke volleyball player was subjected to racist taunts.
- FTX Ventures, the VC arm of Sam Bankman-Fried's crypto exchange, bought a 30% stake in the fund run by ex-Trump communications director Anthony "the Mooch" Scaramucci.
- Burger King plans to pour $400 million into advertising and restaurant face-lifts to juice sales.
- ICYMI: Here's a video recap of everything that happened in the news this week.
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- What's the best way to pack a lunchbox?
- Should "yeet" and "lewk" be in the dictionary?
- Cereal first, milk first, or just add water?
Not into football? Here's a Great British Bake Off fantasy league for those who prefer their competition super friendly and full of Black Forest gateau. | | Brew Crossword: Are you obsessed with England or do you just like the way they talk in Game of Thrones? Find out by playing today's crossword here. Open House Welcome to Open House, the only newsletter section that is decked out in teak. We'll give you a few facts about two listings, and you try to guess which one costs more.  ZillowEach of these mid-century modern marvels is located in a place that's not exactly on your bucket list. The first house is in Orlando, Florida, and has 2,695 square feet of wood, laminate, tile, and just a hint of carpet for the gators to track mud all over. It's a 3 bed, 4 bath with a little treat: no HOA. The second home is in Salina, Kansas, a town famous for…being a place where gold miner hopefuls would stop for supplies in the late 1800s. Still, this house has a stunning 2,466 square feet, 2 beds, and 2 baths on over two acres of land. There's also a sunken living room, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a round kitchen. So which house is more expensive? | | The Orlando house costs $490k. The Salina house costs $325k. | | |
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